"The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie!"

"Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for."

"The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig."

"Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long."

"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them."

"Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore."

"You have delighted us long enough."

"There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators."

"To a resolute mind, wishing to do is the first step toward doing. But if we do not wish to do a thing it becomes impossible."

"Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches per sec."

"The pleasure of love is in loving."

"The blend of fiction, bigotry and jingoism became known as 'yellow journalism.' Later, the phrase was shortened to 'journalism.'"