"There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever."

"Brains, like hearts, go where they are appreciated."

"The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead."

"The aim of science is not to open the door to infinite wisdom, but to set a limit to infinite error."

"KINDNESS, n. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction."

"From error to error, one discovers the entire truth."

"A day's work is a day's work, neither more nor less, and the man who does it needs a day's sustenance, a night's repose and due leisure, whether he be painter or ploughman."

"As body, mind, or soul, you are a dream; you really are Being, Consciousness, Bliss (satchidananda). You are the God of this universe."

"My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity."

"The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter."