"I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all."

"Progress might have been all right once, but it went on too long."

"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up."

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."

"When there are monsters there are miracles."

"People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it."

"We sometimes laugh from ear to ear, but it would be impossible for a smile to be wider than the distance between our eyes."

"Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders."

"I feel like a million tonight --- but one at a time."

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."

"Having something to say is overrated."

"It is so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it."